It has been a difficult journey to want to pray for my enemies, yet I have not given up and as I have just started out on this path, I will learn a lot and undoubtedly share it with the world.

Often we think that the word "repentance" means "to give something up" - in truth that is only half of the equation. Repentance also means to turn around and do the opposite of what was done before. We are also advised to bless our enemies, to pray for them and to make them our friends. Urgh – after someone hurts us, crucifies us upside down and then cuts out our heart when we’re still alive, how can we humanly pray for such people?

And yet, holding anger and harboring revenge in our hearts really only hurts one person: us.

So I am learning that we can always make choices, after all, that is the privilege of being a human being. One can respond by saying “hallelujah” or one can say “darned.” Either way, the Universal forces support us all the way, no matter our choice.

After I came up with this prayer below I shared with my friend that the list of “enemies” was reaching close to 50 people. They are not people that I hate or that I wish bad things for, they are just people that have hurt me in the past, one way or another. Some are business related, others are close friends and family members. The sad part is that I no longer associate with most of those people because most of these bridges now lay in ruins. I don’t like drama and I don’t want people around me that lack integrity, character or authenticity. I always told my mother as a teenager that I would rather live in this world alone than to live amongst a pack of evil back stabbers. And even though I would love to live in a lonely Swiss mountain cabin taking care of animals rather than sharing my live vulnerably with the world, as I am strolling through my 40s I realize that I do have the option to make such a choice. And now that I realize that I do have this choice, I am still choosing to have my life in the public eye because I know that is where I can help the most.

Perhaps this prayer will aid some of you to pray for those that have hurt you. After all, the world is a heavy burden for us to carry. I am not strong enough to carry the anger and the hatred I have for people who hurt me, therefore I want to release it and let it go so I can be free to wish them peace, which in turn will return to me in like-form.

So here is my prayer. Feel free to copy and paste it and adjust it to what feels right to you. I would recommend you reading it at least once a day, before retiring, and preferrably throughout the day.

Father-Mother Principal, Light Source, to The Great I Am:
And I am in awe of your creation of not only the Universe, but especially our intricate system that we as human represent. We are You in the flesh, Your magnificance lives and experiences through us. We are connected, forever intertwined, interwoven, intermingled and for all times and endlessly interdependent from one another. How magnificent You truly are – I am on a forever journey to discover and understand your works.
I fully realize how powerful I am, especially as a catalyst and anchor to others, no matter the intentions. Therefore I am concerned with the feelings I hold towards those who hurt me and bring the situation before you. I come before you with an offering of a broken spirit. I don't want to pass blame, this is my own doing. I present to you my enemies and those who hurt me, and my emotions that come to the surface when I think about these people; those whom I purposefully choose not to interact with – yet I present them to you and ask you to bless them with only the best of the best that You have to offer. Although they hurt me, I’m sure they never set out to do so on purpose. And I know I too have hurt others tremendously, yet never on purpose. So I am asking You to forgive them as I have, and to bring them only what You think is just. I ask You to bless the following people:

[insert your own list of people]

And with this prayer I release any non-beneficial feelings that I may be inclined to hold on to and ask that You cleanse and transmute these feelings into pure love as only You know it. I release all these people to You and I only wish them love, peace and blessings. And so it is.

This week I saw a video of an Australian man who, after a divorce, is selling his “life” on eBay. The video clip shows his house, boat, cars, motorcycle, TV and everything that goes along with the life he’s built and known so far. He is in his 40s and he is literally starting over with nothing; well, perhaps a few more dollars then when he started out. Still, how many people do you know that would have the guts to sell everything and start over? In our 20s perhaps, but the older we get and the more we accumulate the harder it becomes to let go of accumulated values.

It made me think of times when I was either willing or forced to let go of everything and the reasons behind it. And strangely enough, I’m going through it right now again; not by choice, but by circumstance.

Everyone goes through ups and downs in cycles. My cycle is a 10-year cycle. What is yours?

I was 2 years old when I first remember the feeling of scarcity. My mother, sister and I were in the cellar looking through bags of clothes that were ready to be given to my little sister. My mother handmade all of our clothes and she always stretched a penny as far as it could go. I remember wearing the uncomfortable socks my mother sowed back together after they got holes in them right underneath the big toe. Old kitchen towels were used to fix the holes in our jeans and other old and torn up clothes were used to sow together a blanket that would keep us warm during the winter time. I disliked feeling like everything had to be used and reused and then re-re-used for a third time.

When I was 12 my father left and my mother went back to work 6 days a week, 12 hours a day; she had been a stay home mom and money for the two of us was tight. She had to fight my Dad for alimony, especially since my sister went to live with him. We moved from a tiny 3-bedroom apartment to an even smaller 2-bedroom apartment in a building that was hundreds of years old. In order to use the toilet we had to leave our apartment and go down the cold stairs into the main hallway. She provided the main items, such as a roof over my head and basic food group items. Anything extra, such as clothes and food that I wanted to eat had to be earned by me. So I started to work when I was 12 years old and bought my clothes used at the Salvation Army or a second hand store. My possessions consisted of a wooden crate to hold my lamp stand and a single mattress on the floor and a bicycle that I bought myself with my first earnings so I could go to work two cities over from where I lived. Although I had little, the feeling of scarcity left because I felt empowered to earn my own money.

At 22 years of age I decided to come to the United States to learn English. I had lived in a furnished studio and my possessions consisted of my car and a few dishes and silverware. I sold my car and gave my dishes and silverware to my Mom, who still uses them today. I came to the United States with a suitcase to start a job as a nanny earning $400 per month. It was one of my happiest times.

Another 10 years later when I was 32 (are you getting the 10-year cycle drift?), I was very sick with an unexplainable illness that cost me two jobs and left me unemployed and sick for a total of four years. I was married with a 2 year old and a husband, together we owned a house. We were on the brink of losing everything. One of the first things that I gave up was my $55 gym membership. After four full years of being sick, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue. I was left with a mountain of debt, a body that was as unhealthy as it ever was, a fragmented marriage and many choices to make.

Today, another 10 years later I am yet at another place in my life where I have lost everything, except the most precious things on which no value can be placed. Although single today, my daughter and I have each other. I have my health. And unlike the previous time when I lost everything, the one thing I decided to hold on to is my $55 gym membership. It has been my saving grace and a true blessing in disguise. I work out 5-6 days a week and I value exercising my body as the true blessed privilege it is. Having been at the point of death I truly know how to appreciate my health and my body and I know that I can push forward and eventually will come out of this pit too.

I am literally rebuilding my life from the ground up. What’s different this time than the previous four times is the wisdom I have been able to draw from. This is by far one of the hardest lessons I have to go through and yet it is also one of the happiest times of my life. I feel honored to walk through valleys of shadows knowing that I will get out from under this one too. And if there is one thing that shines brighter than anything else, it is the wisdom that all we need is the attentive moment of the here and now. We need time. Time is the best we can give to anyone. Whether it is an infant child who doesn’t know yet what life is all about or the person in prison for life. We all need someone’s attentive time and the silent knowledge that someone cares.

Can a dollar value be placed on true caring, attentiveness, and time? I am learning to give time first and foremost and all my needs and desires are being met.

My readers, I want to encourage you not to give up when you feel like you’ve reached the end of the rope. There is an end to all valleys. There is a time for renewal and new blessings.

As always it’s an honor to be a part of your journey, no matter where you are in life.

A woman tells me her story. She is originally from England and came to the US temporarily to do some business. Her maximum stay was anticipated to be approximately 2 years. This was in 1998. Today she still lives here, is married and has two children, a five year old boy and a toddler girl.

She confessed that although she loved the San Francisco Bay Area, she really wanted to go back to England at some point, but her falling in love changed all of her life plans.

I can sympathize, because I had a similar story happen to me. I too came here to learn English with every intention to go back to my home country, when I too fell in love. This was 19 years ago and I’m still here.

Back to this woman. She told me that it was their plan to one day move to England and raise their children there. Now that their son is five and old enough to go to school, her husband changed her mind and he doesn’t want to leave the US any longer.

What is she to do?

She feels as though her spirit is breaking because their agreement was clear: that they would move to England when their child was old enough to go to school. His change of mind puts a dent in their agreement, and threatens to tear the fabric of their marriage apart.

Is she supposed to take their children and just move on and out of the US and go back to England without him? Or should she continue trying to convince him that moving to England would be good for all of them and that after all they made an agreement? Is she supposed to divorce him for not keeping her promise? Is she supposed to swallow her dream and anticipation to move back to her own country for the sake of their marriage and their children? What level of compromising is too much and what is not enough? Is compromising even a word that belong into the holy union of a true marriage?

These are technicalities and mechanics that can throw a marriage off and they will work themselves out sooner or later. What’s really hurting all of them here is the distrust that is being caused by the change of minds and expectations of each partner.

As with every “cause” there are always multiple ripple “effects” and long after the cause has been forgotten, we are busy fighting the effects. And effects are always outside and can never be fought, because the effects stem from the cause, which is always internal.

The effects of this distrust and the change of minds have now caused a huge wedge between her and her husband. He’s surprised that she’s withdrawn and doesn’t want to have sex with him anymore, she’s lost interest in him and she’s disappointed that he’s letting her and the children down by going back on his promise. He’s upset that she would be “like that” since now he has a good job and they have a house and live the “American Dream” (whatever that is) and he doesn’t want to give it up to go live in a country that is not his own.

She told me that although he’s not cheating on her, he has started to flirt with other married women on the Internet and she too has been eye balling man-candy at the fitness center where she works out. He’s started to drink more beer and watch more TV. They’re both depressed and they both feel stuck and now what originally seemed like a union made in heaven is revealing itself to be a golden cage and they both feel trapped.

Now let’s dissect this a little further. Let’s assume they both end up cheating on each other because they no longer get their needs met at home, will this accomplish the original agreement, which is to move the family to England? Of course not! But not only will it not accomplish the original dream, it will create new baggage of turmoil, not only for them, but also for the children. In the end they will hate each other, and go through an ugly divorce which will affect the children the most, as is usually the case.

So what’s the perfect solution to this seemingly big problem? How will they handle these marriage “hick-ups” or has their marriage really never had a chance and this is just the inevitable taking place?

Again, I’m not a counselor or a therapist and I did not make any recommendations to her. When people ask me what I think they should do I usually tend to turn their own question back to them because I believe that we each have all the answers to the challenges in our own lives. Sometimes our lives are just so clouded that we can’t see through chaos and we feel that others “out there” know the answers for our own lives. This is not correct and I would never want to tell a person what I think they should do.

So all I could do was paint futuristic pictures for her by asking her what it would look like if she did this or that. After a few minutes of “seeing” where her marriage is going depending on which steps she would take she said: “It looks like I’m heading for divorce.”

We make agreements all the time, and we break them more often than not. Not because we’re bad people, simply because life changes, circumstances change and we as a people change. It’s difficult to put someone or ourselves into a box and say: “This is who I am and this is who I will be forever.” We are a people of BECOMING and with it comes change, expansion, some shrinkage and then we expand and grow again. To force someone into a box that we designed for them is cruel and unloving. Even if this is a box that we designed for ourselves.

Be free, be honest, be authentic, be real and grow and expand!