It’s interesting once Pandora’s box is opened how people just come out of the woodworks to discuss their views and issues with the topic of sex. After I posted the previous topic on sex, several people, both men and women, came to me with their points of view. Interesting to say the least!
One gentleman said: “When I’m stressed all I want is release from my wife. But she just won’t give it up for me as often as I’d need it.” Let’s evaluate these statements:
Him: “Wants release."
Her: “Won’t give it up.”
“Release” infers to something you do in order to become relaxed. “Giving something up” means what it literally means: Giving something up or giving something away. “Why is this so difficult for her to understand?” he asked me.
I’m not a sex therapist so I answered the best way I could: with honesty about how I would feel as a woman in the same situation.
First of all, the world “release” does not contain the act of “giving” at all. The word “giving up” does, however. When a woman feels that she is not being given something she automatically feels that she is giving something up. The word “release” reeks of “taking” or being taken advantage of for the benefit of someone else. Even if that is not the case for the man, the most important act of giving is missing when a man seeks release only.
I tried to explain to him that “men don’t have flow.” Nothing on their bodies flow except their runny noses, a tad bit of ear wax and perhaps a tear every decade or so. Think about it. Women on the other hand flow constantly from multiple places. They cry a lot more than men do, they have their periods once a month, or thereabouts, and their vagina constantly flows by droplets and dribbles here and there. Flow is important for our bodies, which are made up of approximately 80%, depending on whom you ask. Flow keeps energies moving, flow keeps bodies regenerating, flow keeps rejuvenating, flow means relaxation, the very relaxation a man is seeking. Thus, men are seeking the same kind of flow, but physically are unable to find it unless a woman provides that opportunity for flow for them (or they help themselves, which only satisfies half of the giving cycle).
The Japanese culture believes that a man’s way to heaven on earth is through a woman’s vagina. The Japanese women believe that the only way their heavenly gates to heaven are opened with the help of a man. I find the “give and re-give” philosophy in this culture loving and oh-so-true.
Women feel that they are “giving something up” because they are being penetrated and “filled” with the essence of the man, which stays in a woman for up to a week, literally. Long after the man has “flowed” and his body is ready for more release, his woman still walks around with this flow, his essence, his DNA, his karma. Again, the Sanskrits believe that a woman takes on her man’s karma after she has shared her physical body with him. This is true in the most literal way possible.
So why do women withhold themselves from their men, often to punish their man? I’m assuming the reasons are manifold; somewhere between “showing him whose boss” and her simply not being able to “give up” whatever she feels like she’s giving up, and possibly the unbearable energy that she unmistakably takes on if she accepts “his flow.”
It doesn’t matter what I personally believe because the only person I can physically take care of is the “man of my life,” the one who will one day help me open the door to the kingdom of heaven here on earth. It’s not the release that is important, it’s the few moments of complete rest right after both beings have literally emptied their batteries into one, that’s where the blissful state is because during those moments is when both batteries are being recharged fully (provided both batteries are chemically a perfect match).
I have come to look at women as beautiful flowers, a most wonderful garden that needs warmth and sunshine in order to let the flowers blossom. Their man in life is that sun constantly shining his warmth and rays of light onto the garden. If you as a man succeed in doing so without scorching her and without withholding your light for too long, your flower won’t have a physical choice but to open herself to you on a daily basis.
I have come to look at men as the amazing and life giving warm sun that loves to shine on the beautiful garden because he takes pleasure in the openness of his garden. She realizes that her openness and blossoming appearance is what keeps him shining on her every day of her life and she never withholds herself from his warmth and his rays of light.
Go shine on someone today. Go open your pedals today and make someone gaze at you in the beautiful sunlight!
One gentleman said: “When I’m stressed all I want is release from my wife. But she just won’t give it up for me as often as I’d need it.” Let’s evaluate these statements:
Him: “Wants release."
Her: “Won’t give it up.”
“Release” infers to something you do in order to become relaxed. “Giving something up” means what it literally means: Giving something up or giving something away. “Why is this so difficult for her to understand?” he asked me.
I’m not a sex therapist so I answered the best way I could: with honesty about how I would feel as a woman in the same situation.
First of all, the world “release” does not contain the act of “giving” at all. The word “giving up” does, however. When a woman feels that she is not being given something she automatically feels that she is giving something up. The word “release” reeks of “taking” or being taken advantage of for the benefit of someone else. Even if that is not the case for the man, the most important act of giving is missing when a man seeks release only.
I tried to explain to him that “men don’t have flow.” Nothing on their bodies flow except their runny noses, a tad bit of ear wax and perhaps a tear every decade or so. Think about it. Women on the other hand flow constantly from multiple places. They cry a lot more than men do, they have their periods once a month, or thereabouts, and their vagina constantly flows by droplets and dribbles here and there. Flow is important for our bodies, which are made up of approximately 80%, depending on whom you ask. Flow keeps energies moving, flow keeps bodies regenerating, flow keeps rejuvenating, flow means relaxation, the very relaxation a man is seeking. Thus, men are seeking the same kind of flow, but physically are unable to find it unless a woman provides that opportunity for flow for them (or they help themselves, which only satisfies half of the giving cycle).
The Japanese culture believes that a man’s way to heaven on earth is through a woman’s vagina. The Japanese women believe that the only way their heavenly gates to heaven are opened with the help of a man. I find the “give and re-give” philosophy in this culture loving and oh-so-true.
Women feel that they are “giving something up” because they are being penetrated and “filled” with the essence of the man, which stays in a woman for up to a week, literally. Long after the man has “flowed” and his body is ready for more release, his woman still walks around with this flow, his essence, his DNA, his karma. Again, the Sanskrits believe that a woman takes on her man’s karma after she has shared her physical body with him. This is true in the most literal way possible.
So why do women withhold themselves from their men, often to punish their man? I’m assuming the reasons are manifold; somewhere between “showing him whose boss” and her simply not being able to “give up” whatever she feels like she’s giving up, and possibly the unbearable energy that she unmistakably takes on if she accepts “his flow.”
It doesn’t matter what I personally believe because the only person I can physically take care of is the “man of my life,” the one who will one day help me open the door to the kingdom of heaven here on earth. It’s not the release that is important, it’s the few moments of complete rest right after both beings have literally emptied their batteries into one, that’s where the blissful state is because during those moments is when both batteries are being recharged fully (provided both batteries are chemically a perfect match).
I have come to look at women as beautiful flowers, a most wonderful garden that needs warmth and sunshine in order to let the flowers blossom. Their man in life is that sun constantly shining his warmth and rays of light onto the garden. If you as a man succeed in doing so without scorching her and without withholding your light for too long, your flower won’t have a physical choice but to open herself to you on a daily basis.
I have come to look at men as the amazing and life giving warm sun that loves to shine on the beautiful garden because he takes pleasure in the openness of his garden. She realizes that her openness and blossoming appearance is what keeps him shining on her every day of her life and she never withholds herself from his warmth and his rays of light.
Go shine on someone today. Go open your pedals today and make someone gaze at you in the beautiful sunlight!
Posts
Hi Chaszey, while today's post isn't immediately relevant to where I am at this place in time and space, reading it gave me a sense of comfort from the words that "flowed" with love. My heart aches today for my teenage son who, while, not too far down the road, seems to be slipping from me. He knows a divorce is coming and is acting out a bit.
He was my first child, the first person I really loved that was not a parent etc. If you have time, maybe you can stop by my blog and see the song lyrics I wrote today.
Anyway, please know that your words and thoughts are helping me each day even if the topic isn't immediately relevant. But the lovely way you put forth your thoughts and opinions always seem to be. Another cyber hug to you.
Lionel
Dear Lionel,
I am with you as far as our children are concerned. It is the number 1 reason for parents not to split up and trying to hold it together for as long as possible. Unfortunately making the children the glue for parents to stay together (when it should be love) is way too much pressure for their little souls, even if they are teenagers (or should I say especially when they are teenagers).
Perhaps this may help. We separated when our daughter was 11 and her biggest fear, as she said, was that our divorce would be as nasty as those of her friends'. She understood from other children that divorce often pulls people far apart and in fact makes them their biggest enemies, at the cost of the child who for so long felt like the silly putty that kept their parents together (and they know this too by the way) and now all of a sudden they feel like they are failing in keeping their parents together...even if that is not the case (they often feel that way).
What made all the difference in our daughter's life is the fact that we continued having dinner once a week as a family, that my ex-husband and I still had coffee (just the two of us) at least once a week, and she knew about it, and that she saw that we still loved each other, we were just wrong for each other.
This has changed over the past couple of years and we no longer see each other as he has moved on and is engaged to someone at this time. But the fact that we started our separation off that way and that we let her in on how we still love each other, just not in a romantic way, and that it was not her fault, made all the difference in her feeling strong.
When we first separated we (the adults) knew that we were not getting back together, but we didn't break it to her that way. We first separated and we wanted to see how things were going. Then we would make a decision if we wanted to get back together or if things were better the new way. This gave her hope that we at least were trying. Once he was gone, however, she realized immediately that the tension in the house was gone (even though we never fought during our marriage). She loved the new peace in our house and she saw for herself that it was better this way.
In a way, I let her work through this herself while being present for her.
AND, and this is a big "and," I did not, have not brought anyone else into our space. Not one man has entered this house and she knows that it's not because of her, but because I am being very careful and selective this time. My ex-husband on the other hand, has introduced her to 3 of the women he has dated since, even though we agreed that we would spare her until it got serious. Him doing so hurt her unnecessarily and made her feel like she didn't matter. She does know that in time Mom will date again too, and she's actually kind of excited for me.
The one thing he wants now is TIME, you can't buy away his pain with things, with vacations, with toys or a car; the most difficult thing to give to a teenager is time because they so often don't seem to want it, or seemed annoyed by the fact that they "have to" spend time with us. HOWEVER, that is exactly what they need.
And the more time I spend with my daughter, the more she misses me when I'm gone. It's really sweet.
Not sure if this helps but try out the "time thing" and don't give up. Perhaps camping, river rafting, kayaking, motocrossing, 4-wheeling or other man-to-man stuff might get him to feel closer to you during this time.
Hugs,
Chaszey