When I decided to get into the dating scene a few weeks ago I was simply compartmentalizing that part of my life into its own category, away from everything else, at least so I thought. Little did I know what would take place over the next few weeks. While this originally started as a site to talk about "Transforming Chronic Illness Into Vibrant Health", it is obvious that I don't want to talk about chronic illness or ailments, which would only increase your ill feeling. And this is certainly not a "poor you" site where we pity you because of your ailments. It’s a site to examine where chronic illness and unhappiness come from. And since many would love to blame their external world, all those things come from within.

I have found over and over again that many illnesses are related to stress and most stress is related to wrong partnerships. Even the stress that some think is related to jobs or money are in fact really related to people being with wrong partnerships, wrong friends, wrong employers and wrong co-workers. Whether we are stuck in a job with co-workers or a boss we can’t stand, or we are stuck in a marriage or relationship that has long outlived its welcome, stress of this kind is a major reason for so many of our ailments. In fact it has been said that cancer is anger turned inward…

I didn’t just decide to start dating a few weeks ago, the decision was made last December. I took 5-6 solid months of preparing by asking myself serious questions. Questions like: “Who am I as a dating partner?” "What do I really have to offer?" “What are my ethical standards?” “How do I want to handle each encounter, either in person or via e-mail?” How do I want my dating partner to feel after an encounter with me?” “What do I have to bring and offer to this other person?” And on and on I asked myself these questions, getting very clear with who I am and what I want, but most importantly, what I want the other person to walk away with, whether or not there would ever be a phone call or anything beyond an e-mail. For me it's all about kindness.

And I’m so blessed to see that I have stuck to my intentions and they have paid off so gloriously! So much so that a thought crossed my mind last week that perhaps I need to become an Internet Dating Coach and Expert...

My profile has been viewed almost 10,000 in the last 4-5 weeks with a 20% response rate. I am overwhelmed needless to say. Meanwhile, however, I figured out my own system on how to be fair and get to almost everyone. The response from everyone has been so amazing and filled with grace and gifts I never knew could come from a strangers. Our words are the most powerful force and can make or break someone...

Just yesterday one of the gentlemen sent me the following poem and I think it speaks to what we all want:

"Oh the comfort
The inexpressible comfort
Of feeling safe with another person.
Having neither to weigh thoughts
Nor measure words
But pouring them all right out
Just as they are
Chaff and grain together -
Certain that a faithful hand
Will take and sift them
Keep what is worth keeping
And with a breath of kindness
Blow the rest away."

Written by Dinah Craix over a century ago.

So when you feel down and you feel like the people closest to you are not doing their job, perhaps you may decide to first become that which you want them to become, only then will they see in you how to be themselves…And then perhaps these people can fall away from you because your journeys have come to an end or they will want to change, as do you. It's not our job to change others, it's our job to inspire others by the mere existence of who we are. Not because we try so hard, but because "we just are."

Go claim your closeness with others! It’s an amazing gift!